The writing below was originally published on Fetlife in 2015, after spending one year in the scene. It was about my growth in just one short year, and how this important time changed me as a person. I feel like this was an important transition period in my life, and I’m glad that I wrote my thoughts out so I can look back on it in the future. Reading it over a couple of years later, pretty much everything still rings true. I’ll like to share those thoughts with you all. During that one year, I found an experienced submissive boy who I refer to in this writing as “the boy.” He was the catalyst that allowed me to discover my dominant side. We are still together and very poly to this day.
Conveniently, turning 19 also marks my first year immersed in the kink community. Because of all my new experiences and my growth of self, I feel very different from the just-turned-18 girl I was at this time last year.
I’ve always had a high sex drive, and for years, I have been wanting to explore with people. To put it mildly, I very very much wanted to experience all the fun sexy things I’ve been hearing about. Luckily, 18 seems to be the year where I finally found people who were willing to do naughty dirty stuff with me.
All in all, losing my virginity wasn’t so exciting, but it was just the beginning of an adventure. Like starting anything, sex has just gotten more exciting and fulfilling. Now that I’ve started, I’m not going to stop. Sometimes I pity my poor tired partner.
I learned a lot about the kinky world this year. From all the forums, guides, and journal entries, Fetlife is a wealth of knowledge. The first two weeks of my time on Fetlife were almost entirely spent reading theories about different roles, safety, etiquette, and so much more. I was so ready to meet people at munches and possibly play… on the bottom side! Odd right? My fantasies used to revolve more around the bottom side of things, but in practice, I didn’t really enjoy it that much, and I’m much too selfish to really want to serve anyone.
Discovering my toppy side was a game changer. Kink got exciting and amazing. I discovered I really like being on the handle side of the cane and various other nice implements. I also learned a ton more at this time, mainly through workshops, some directions and a willing bottom to hit. It’s surprising how there are so few kinks that don’t fascinate me. I just want to learn and try everything on the toppy side. At the moment, I’m a sadist to many and owner of one special boy.
However, I still do enjoy some things on the bottom, such as rope. I’m still very new to rope bottoming, but I’ve really enjoyed the bits I’ve had. Sex is also one of those things I like switching up, but always to my specification and desires… which is more like topping from the bottom.
I like to think I’ve always had an open mind, but my 18th year seems to be when I discover many things I’ve never heard of before.
I’ve met some non-binary folk in this past year. It’s a spectrum I haven’t encountered before so please forgive me if I mess up your gender! I am trying my best. Thankfully, “they/them/their” is much less awkward coming from my mouth now.
Polyamory is also a new concept for me. I’m still discovering to what degree I’m poly and struggling through the thought processes involved with sharing my important, and dearly adored partner. I like the freedom it provides, but I also feel incredibly possessive of my boy. These conflicting desires are still being balanced until I become really happy in both my ownership and freedom.
I’ve also discovered that I am attracted to people as individuals. This is not to say I’m blind to physical features because I still unashamedly think people are sexy based on their looks, but I look for special or complimentary features on a person that is not based on gender. I’ve never thought reproductive organs were particularly sexy to look at. Gender is not something that is factored into my attraction. Does this mean I’m pansexual? Absolutely. I don’t like the word though, so not glamorous.
I talked about Topping and Bottoming in this writing. These two roles are different from Dominant and Submissive to me.
Top and Bottom refer more to the actions a person takes. Both parties are equal in terms of power, but they do different things in a scene. A top gives actions such as hitting or humiliating. A bottom receives those actions such as getting hit or being humiliated.
Dominant and Submissive refer more to the degree of control a person has. It has to do more with power exchange and power dynamics between people. A dominant is one who takes a control and is the authority, either for a scene or for longer periods of time. A submissive is one who gives up control and gives up authority (besides utilising safewords).